WHO ARE YOU EXACTLY?

As Descartes simply put it, ‘I think, therefor I am’; in other words, I know I exist because my mind tells me so.

Now, I’m sure you don’t need some frequently quoted philosopher to convince you of your own existence (you already know you’re here) but have you ever given much thought to how you are thinking? What does your ‘I am’ (your existence or your identity) actually say about you? You might want to be a little careful regarding how you answer that; take a little time to search for the truth of the matter.

Personally, I’d never given my ‘I am’ much thought throughout the first 30 years of my life; I was just cruising, oblivious to my own ignorance (in part, fuelled by alcohol). It wasn’t until coming out of depression that I started to really question who I was. With my time of enlightenment offering me up a path on which to begin my quest, the first and most important step involved me coming to realise who I was not. I was not hopeless, pathetic or a serious control freak (well maybe just a bit of a control freak). I was not all those things depression had me convinced of. With my own personal beliefs coming to effect the way in which I’d seen myself throughout my depression, this mental state had amplified every one of those damaging beliefs. Whilst being both torturous as well as deceptive, depression had firmly convinced me that the lies I was telling myself were the truth.

I believe that in coming to escape depression we are required to undertake some search for the truth, the real truth as to who we are. It is not some identity bestowed upon us by society, not some contrived set of labels given to us in childhood; it is a kind of truth we are most often never taught about. It is the ultimate truth as to who we are. It is an identity free of harsh judgement, it is one of self-respect and self-love.

It is with this, my first official blog that I set out on an extended search for the truth. I say extended due to the fact that I have already uncovered what I believe to be just some of the truth (as written in THE RISING). Born from a single thought – ‘What if depression can come about through a crisis of identity?’ – THE RISING finally came to life. With it having taken more than three years to complete, my first serious literary launch into the universe has ultimately become an analysis of identity, with many revelations along the way. It has been a liberating project, spurred on by a deep personal longing to have people escape depression. With the whole endeavour leading me to experience a more open mind as well as greater compassion for my fellow beings, it has managed to bring about a further change in my own identity (a most welcome change/personal evolution).

In reality, how we identify our self really comes down to so much more than simply acknowledging our own existence, it is ultimately about discovering the interactive experience. Whether that interactive experience comes about through our environmental exchanges or it is an internal exchange (shared between mind, body and spirit), we have the chance to experience a new understanding of our self, one which holds the potential to free us from depression’s self-limiting dictatorship.

If he had come to experience depression, perhaps Descartes would have added ‘If I’m not fully aware of how I think, my ‘I am’ can become a living hell.’